Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
