"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
