At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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