Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
