it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
