i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
