I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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