based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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