Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize