my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
