Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I party with great urgency now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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