btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
