Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
