I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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