3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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