So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it was like eating out sand paper
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
