Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
