He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
