how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
