A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
