I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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