whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
