I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
