I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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