I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
