Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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