Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
