He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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