ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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