We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
