You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
