I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize