there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
