Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
