You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
