Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
