She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize