I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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