i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
