Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
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Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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