watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
