It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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