Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
