My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize