nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
