your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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