After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
