i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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