cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
