she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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