I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
