I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
