I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
