I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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