I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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