The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
