Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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