I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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