First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
