found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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