Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
