when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
