Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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