He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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