we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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