Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
