I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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