i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
