Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How does one acquire holy water?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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