What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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