I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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