Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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