how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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