the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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