i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
